I'm Fine, Thanks.

I have been out of town the last couple of days.   Not my body, just my mind!   I have just wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the sod over my own head!    Well, no, it hasn't really been that bad, but a 2 day nap would have been really nice!   But, instead I got up and lived life.   As a friend of mine said - - -

That's what women do (and men). We get up, even when we are so dog tired that we can't see straight. We get up, even if we know the day ahead is really gonna suck. We get up, even when we are physically sick. We get up, even when we are physically hurt all over. We get up, even when our feelings are so raw we feel we are coming unglued. We just keep getting up. The remarkable thing is, we get up feeling this way and most of the time no one is the wiser. We paste a smile on our face and get on with the day. If anyone asks how we are, we say fine.

So, I got up out of bed . . . it may have been the wrong side of the bed, but at least I got up! 

And, yes, I am fine, thanks for asking :)

Booty-ful or Beautiful?

The Today show had a story this morning that really caught my attention - -

Nancy Upton, a 24-year-old student from Texas, entered the American Apparel plus-size 'model' contest, The Next Big Thing, (the title itself is so offensive) with spoof photos  in order to make a statement about how certain 'hip' retailers regard women size 12 and over.  Visitors to the contest website were able to vote for their favorite photos, and the highest vote-getter was to have been named the winner. Very quickly Upton became a viewer favorite.  Her very vocal protest of American Appparel's cutesy, demeaning approach toward "booty-ful" plus-sized women, however, made the company uncomfortable.  They wrote Upton a letter - -

. . . It's a shame that your project attempts to discredit the positive intentions of our challenge based on your personal distaste for our use of light-hearted language, and that "bootylicous" was too much for you to handle  . . . Oh, and regarding winning the contest, while you were clearly the popular choice, we have decided to award the prizes to other contestants that we feel truly exemplify the idea of beautiy inside and out, and whom we will be proud to have representing our company.

Upton is a beautiful girl and her photos were edgy spoofs of a ridiculous and offensive view of a particular group of women.  While speaking with Ann Curry on the  Today show, Upton said her objection is this - - if she and Ann Curry were wearing the same dress, side by side, Curry would be described as "beautiful" and Upton would be described as "booty-licious."   That is true, and it is wrong.

And, by the way, size 12 is plus size???!!!    Give me a break.

I Wanna Be A Loser!

The Directv guy came yesterday and hooked me up in my workout/whatever room.  Yes!  (By the way, did you know that you can "negotiate" with the various satellite providers?   We wanted to add a receiver, and after a little "we're thinking about changing to Dish" talk, we got the additional HD receiver, a DVR, AND $35 knocked off our monthly bill!  Not bad!!)  

So, now armed with satellite, I was ready to hit it!    I turned on the Biggest Loser at 8 p.m. and climbed on my treadmill.  My plan was to go for the two full hours of the BL, but that didn't quite work out!    There were even a couple of times that I thought, "this sucks!"  But then I looked at the 400 pound 60-year old guy walking across Death Valley, and I knew I could do better!   It was good motivation!   I was hot, sweaty, my heart was beating fast, but it was so exhilirating!   It really is amazing how exercise can make you feel so good!   Just after one hour I felt so much better, both physically and mentally!   How can I NOT exercise when I feel the positive effects of it almost immediately?   I want to be a winner . . . and the road to winning is losing!   

I think I'll take another walk tonight . . . this time with Jeff and Coach! 

Right is Not Wrong

So, this morning I was going to talk about some things I read on the internet about weight loss.   Some "tips" of what we can do to enhance our weight loss and speed it up.   But all of the so-called tips were things I already knew.   Things like "take small bites," "drink lots of water," "limit your intake of sodium," "choose carrots over donuts," . . . duh.  I'm sorry.   But I KNOW all of that.   What I need to know is how to get my brain to want to DO those things.   So, I'll do some research and let you know what I find out.  

And since I'm not going to talk about weight "tips," I want to talk about the New Jersey Housewives.   The "Real" New Jersey Housewives.  Yeah, right.   I watched it last night and I am so grossed out.   I can hardly find words to say how grossed out I am (thus, the abundance of "grossed out" in this blog).     Do all so-called "real" housewives (and househusbands, even more) really drink that much?   And worse . . . is the only thing they think about (besides how to beat up on each other) really sex??  I was appalled (AND grossed out) at all the explicit talk about sex.   But, it went even further than just talk.   One of the couples went into a bathroom to HAVE sex while the others peeked in the window and watched and laughed.   It really was TV at its worst.   Heck, it was "real" housewives at their worst!   I turned it off.   

But what sickens me even more than the "real" housewives' behavior is this - -  this morning I was talking to a friend who watches the show.  I thought for sure she would be outraged just as I was.    "Can you believe that show last night???", I asked her.    "What do you mean?", she said.   And so we talked for a minute about the sex thing, and she thought it was nothing.   NOTHING!   I almost cried.   I asked her, "Do you mean to tell me, that I am the only one who thinks that type of behavior (especially on TV) is appalling and disgusting and just plain wrong?"     Do you know what she said?   "Yes, you're the only one."   My jaw dropped and my shoulders drooped.  That was really disheartening and sad to hear her say that.  This world is so crazy and kind of upside down.  BUT, I take strength knowing that I am NOT the only one.   There are still many people out there (many of them my friends) who know the difference between right and wrong.   (I kind of think, however, that we are outnumbered.)   My little conversation with my "real housewives" buddy just reenforced to me the importance of standing strong and steadfast for the things that you believe in.    Right is still right.   Wrong is still wrong.   No matter what the rest of the world says.

A Whole New World!

Look!  It's a giant light bulb!!

Last night was a night of great discovery and illumination for me!   Seriously.   I felt a little like what I imagine Thomas Edison must have felt like when he invented the light bulb.  Or like Ferdinand Magellan when he sailed through the Strait of Magellan and named the Pacific Ocean.  Or like Sacagawea, who went with Lewis & Clark on their expedition to the Pacific coast and discovered so much beauty and awesomeness.   Or like Jacques Cartier, who discovered Canada.  Okay, well, on second thought, forget about Jacques.  But my point is . . . I discovered a whole new world last night!   I discovered life without television in the bedroom!  YES!  I discovered that I CAN fall asleep without the TV singing me its lullabies.   I actually read in bed!    And it was awesome! 

When I got home from work, my husband and son had moved all of our daughter's bedroom furniture, etc. into my son's empty bedroom downstairs.   Then they moved the treadmill upstairs into our daughter's old bedroom, and moved the TV (from our bedroom) into the now "workout room."   Excellent!   One small confession, however.   After organizing our daughter's new bedroom downstairs, I was "too tired" to try the new workout room upstairs.  And I think we all know that "too tired" really just means "I didn't want to."  But I WILL let you know how it goes tonight!  

AND, I'll also let you know what book I am reading in bed instead of what TV show I am watching in bed!  I don't need no stupid lullaby!

Minute by Minute? Inch by Inch!!!!

Okay, slow start yesterday, but it WAS a start, so I'm happy.  As long as I'm moving forward, even in inches, I'm not moving backwards.  So, I'll gladly take those couple of inches!   I probably could have moved forward a few more inches, but I got a little distracted by the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (did you see the shoes in Lisa Vanderfabulous' closet?!! - she has an entire shoe store in there!!).  I did feel a small victory, however, in that I watched it by myself and not with the company of Ben and Jerry, as I sometimes do!   Maybe next time I'll watch it with a couple of weights in my hands!  Small steps.   Even itty bitty inch steps.  Here's to a few more inches today!!

Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

No, I don't mean our stomachs.    Now that we truly do have an empty nest, and I have nothing to distract me, I am ready to get down and rumble with my weight issue.   My son is getting married on October 21 and I really don't want to ruin the wedding pictures with my frumpiness :(   So, I will start today.  I have 80 pounds to lose (the same 80 pounds that I lost two years ago and gained back during these last eight months . . . sigh).   And I have a plan . . . well, sort of.   We are moving our daughter's bedroom downstairs to our son's now-empty bedroom, and then we are moving the treadmill upstairs to our daughter's then-empty bedroom.   I must also be able to watch Survivor and Real Housewives while I am transforming my body, so we will put a TV upstairs also.  . . . okay, okay, you don't need to know (or want to know) every detail.   Suffice it to say, I have a plan.   I know I can't lose 80 pounds by October 21, but I CAN make a difference in my body.  I have six weeks.  

I won't tell you how much I weigh (just like my age, to SAY the number grosses me out).   but I do want to be accountable, so, I will tell how much I lose.   Yea!  It's kind of exciting!  

  

Cry Me A River

Well, I woke up this morning and remembered it is the last day my daughter is here before we take her to school tomorrow.  I could feel the tears starting to come and knew that today was going to be just that kind of day.   Even with email and texting and cellphones, I am going to miss her so much.   She's my baby.   My buddy.   My friend.   My daughter.  

So, I will be gone for a few days, getting her settled in and trying to get my mind to understand that this is a HAPPY time and that she will love college!   

Miss me while I'm gone.   Talk to you next week!!

Watermelon, anyone?

Having been down the overweight road a few times (and, perhaps, will even travel that way again - - I've learned to never say never), I have nothing against fat people.  On the contrary.  I have empathy.  I know how it feels to be fat.  So, no, I don't have a problem with fat people.  HOWEVER, I do have a problem with fat people who don't care what they look like -  fat people who LOOK like they don't care what they look like.  And, thus, they look like big fat slobs.  I know that it is often hard to find clothes that fit.   Let alone clothes that are cute or fashionable.  But there are things that you can do to make yourself look good.   For instance, button your shirt.  A simple thing.  Which brings me to a group of people I saw who were coming out of Walmart today.   (And yes, I do shop at Walmart.  I pick my battles carefully - - most of their greeters look happy, so who am I to judge?)  Anyway, there were four or five people.  They looked young . . . in their 20s.  They were all obese.  As I was going into the store, they were coming out.  I was immediately assaulted by this huge set of . . . well, let's just say that the woman who I was passing could have been shoplifting a couple of very large, very unappetizing watermelons.   And the neckline on her shirt was dangerously close to not being a neckline at all - - I'll just stop there.  The visual is disturbing.  I mean, come on!  Have a little pride.  Or at least a little modesty.  There are small children in Walmart who don't need to be subjected to those.  Heck, there are OLD MEN in Walmart who SHOULDN'T be subjected to them.  The bottom line is this - - if you are fat, fine.  I love you.  But, please, think of the children.   Care enough to dress like you look like you care.   Even a little.

Well, Dr. Phil . . .

The other night I finished watching the entire first season of "Heavy."   Such amazing stories of the human will to overcome and be happy.   Watching these people's stories was inspiring  . . . from eating in the beginning because it tasted so good and you think it makes you happy.   Then eating because sometimes that's the only thing in your life you think you have control over.   Then watching the pounds pile on and hating yourself because you can't stop.  And then . . . finally . . . triumphing over your mind and body and getting control of your life.   Loving yourself, and being able to love others.  Happy ending.  Or beginning.   How do overweight people get to be overweight??  Well, there are as many stories as there are people.  

As I sit here writing this in my awesome cool new "Twilight" journal I got at the Dollar Store for . . . get this . . . a dollar!! . . . I am watching "Toddlers & Tiaras."  Yes, I know.  I should spend my time more wisely . . . maybe get on the treadmill or read a good book - or both!   Tomorrow.   But, WOW!!!   Talk about messed up!   Three year olds - - make up, fake hair, fake eyelashes, colored contacts - - even fake teeth!!!   Being taught, at the ripe old age of three, that their self-worth is measured by their beauty.   And who are they being taught by?   The people they trust the most - -  their own mothers!   And seeing the disappointment in their eyes (both toddlers' and mothers') when they aren't perfect . . . when they act like three year olds instead of poised and polished supermodels!     So so messed up.    Maybe one day, years down the road, we'll turn on the TV and see a 23 year old fat girl sitting on the couch saying, "Well, Dr. Phil, it all started when I was three. . . "