I grew up in Southern California. Every summer my sisters and I would head to the beach, almost every day, lifeguard station 17, Huntington Beach. I’m not really sure why lifeguard station 17, except maybe the lifeguard looked like Paul Anka, who my oldest sister idolized. And since she was the oldest, she would pick where we went. We’d pick an empty spot on the sand, mark our territory with our towels and then after slathering myself with cocoa butter or baby oil, I would head off to the water. My sisters didn’t go in the water much, they preferred to sun bathe and boy watch. Ugh. Me? I loved being in the water. To be honest, I didn’t really like the sun that much and liked boys even less. I think when the Beach Boys sang “I wish they all could be California girls,” they weren’t talking about me. So, the water was the place for me. Back then I didn’t care what I looked like. I didn’t care if people stared at me (I don’t know if they did - - but if they did, I wouldn’t have cared). I wasn’t a fat child. I wasn’t thin, but I definitely wasn’t fat. I just wanted to have fun! And I did!
As I look back now, I think the time I started caring about (or realizing) what my body looked like was in junior high school. Junior high school kids can be really mean. That’s when I noticed people looking and judging and labeling - - not just at me, but EVERYONE was judged and labeled. You could be “cool” or “sweet” or a “dork” or “retarded” or a “fatso” or any other number of mostly not very nice things. I’m not sure what I was labeled, but I know I wasn’t “cool” or “sweet.” Definitely not “cool.” So, I THINK that was the beginning of my love affair with food. It didn’t judge you. It didn’t put ugly labels on you (although it did put ugly pounds on you). Food was a really nice companion. For a while. But sometimes even nice companions will turn on you.
Oh, and by the way, I have been doing pretty good the last few days. I haven't been lounging as much (although I have yet to get on the treadmill). I haven't gorged myself with food, either. I have been almost "normal." Could this be the beginning of an "up"??? We shall see what today brings :)