Tuesday, August 7, 2012

No Fish Will Touch These Lips


Someone made a comment on my blog yesterday about how going to Starvation Heights would be a good way to start a diet.  And, I thought,  yeah, it might be - - except for the dying and being thrown off a cliff thing.  That would suck.  But it DID get me thinking.   If you're like me, you're always looking for a good (easy) way to lose weight,.   So, I did some research and found six diets that might work for you.

1.  The Paleolithic Diet (aka the Caveman Diet).   This plan is based on what humans ate about 2.5 million years ago - - fish, animals, plants.   Doesn't sound too bad, right?  Except for the fish part - - no fishy, smelly, squishy thing will ever pass my lips.  I'm not really sure how the Caveman Diet is so different from some diets of today . . . except that we don't have dinosaurs.

2.  Fletcherizing.    Simply put, chewing your food.   Fletcherizing is named after Horace Fletcher, a food enthusiast in the 1800s.  He was nicknamed "The Great Masticator."  He chewed his food exactly 32 times (about 100 times per minute) before swallowing.  After chewing, you tilt your head back so the food can slide down your throat.   Any leftovers?  Spit 'em out.   Kinda gross, but it has potential.

3.  Sleeping Beauty.     These dieters sedate themselves heavily for many days, so that when they wake up they're much thinner (and look exactly like Sleeping Beauty).  I've often gone to bed at night and wished that I could wake up thin.  Although I would want to wake up the next morning, not the next month!   Plus, I'd like all my internal organs to function properly as well.

4.  Tapeworm.   Enough said.

5.  Fruitarianism.  Nothing but fruits, nuts and seeds, no meat, vegetables or grains.  That doesn't sound too bad, does it?

And my personal favorite - -

6.  Breatharianism.   Breatharians claim that food and water aren't necessary, that you can just live on sunlight.  So, just go lay out on a nice, warm, sunny beach and stay there until you're thin.  Uh, really?  There have never been any documented successes, but many have died trying.  AND, if you don't die, you'll have a really great tan - or a deadly case of skin cancer.  

You know, as much as I'd like to be thin and gorgeous, I think I will be satisfied to be normal and healthy.    I mean, all these diets are really tempting (um, ick) and all, but I'll pass.  Excuse me, now.  I think I saw a buttermilk donut in the breakroom.  

33 comments:

  1. Diet schmiet. I just try to eat healthy and smaller portions. It's supposed to be better to eat like 5 small meals a day than to skip meals or diet. I'm bad about skipping breakfast and lunch (like today...it's nearly 2 pm and all I've had is coffee). Oh and please never mention 'tapeworm' again. lolol

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    1. No kidding - - tapeworm (sorry) = disgusting

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  2. PS I don't like fish either.

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  3. You did your research. You found diets that I've never ever heard of, and then some. What ever happened to just plain old common sense? Of course if sense were common, then most people would have it.

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    1. Diet is the biggest four letter word EVER!

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  4. The extremes some will go to! Judy, loving your posts lately (always have but especially lately). When I need to lighten my mood I can count on you..my blogging friend!

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    1. Jennifer, I am so excited to see how you decorate your new NY home :)

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  5. I read your post very carefully today Judy, making sure that I did not miss anything important as I am always looking for but never finding the diet for me.
    how did you come up w that wonderful title? I wonder what your research resources are ... never could dream up... like the last one most of all also

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    1. It's called google, Anni :) I am not that resourceful - - I need help!

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  6. Did you say donut? Get out of my way or prepare to be trampled.

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  7. I lost my appetite at the word tapeworm..yuck

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    1. Ah, if that were all the tapeworm diet was - - just hear the word "tapeworm"and the pounds drop off!! haha

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  8. Judy, you gave me a good giggle!

    Happy Tuesday!
    LuLu~*xoxo

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  9. I'll bring the chocolate and you bring the sunshine!

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  10. I'm so with you on the fish - that stuff is usually pretty yucky. I grew up eating fish on Fridays and never recovered (from the fish and the rest of it....). Fruitarianism? Fruit is good when it is perfectly ripe but can be pretty yucky when it is not (which is a good percentage of the time). I guess I would take the breathing one - sleep on a beach until you drift away..... But really? I bet you (and most of us) do the best we can do.

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    1. I kind of feel sorry for anybody who thinks they need to resort to some weird diet to feel good about themselves. So, I'm with you - let's just do the best we can :)

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  11. I actually don't mind fish, but diets? Nope. I'll stick to just (trying to) eat healthy. :)

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    1. I agree with you Dana - healthy is so much smarter than diet :)

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  12. Have any diets that help you gain weight? :(

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  13. I've heard of people doing & loving the Paleo diet. basically nothing processed, just real foods. But that also means no stopping at Tim Horton's on the way to work or my kid fixing herself PizzaRolls (that she lives on) so I'll pass on that!!

    Hmm Breatharianism. That goes along with mummification, correct?

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    1. I don't like ANY diet. When I try to lose weight (which I need to do right now!) I just eat smarter and exercise more. Boring, but it works!

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  14. I've met some people who do the raw food diet, and none were thin. Their answer is it isn't a weight loss thing, but an ethics thing. I don't think the carrots I ate with dinner minded being cooked before hand!

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    1. I didn't know vegetables had ethics? lol

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  15. oh i love fish and could eat it every day if someone cooked it for me---i can only make the frozen---great post :)

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  16. best diet in the whole world and it works .. Weight Watcher's ORIGINAL Diet .. the one where you eat 3 oz of protein 3X a day along with fruit, veggies and one slice of bread ... I lost 25 lbs half a lifetime ago (after stopping smoking)and have not regain a single ounce

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  17. Funny! Have you ever tried salmon? It's a fish you might like. I'm sure the tapeworm diet works, but I'd hate to try it!

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