We have a beautiful park here in Walla Walla, with gorgeous trees, hundreds of years old. Complete with aviary and large pond with ducks. The big gazebo in the middle of the park reminds me of a movie. This park is the place where families take their children to play, or their dogs to walk. People have been married there, celebrate birthdays and take romantic walks. The town 4th of July celebration is held there. It is absolutely gorgeous. And, it is close enough to our house that we can walk to it. Plus, I get to drive by it every single day.
As I was driving past the park this morning on my way to work, memories of when we first moved here started to flood my mind. The park evoked one particular memory which, as I think of it now, makes me kind of laugh and shake my head. We were very new here and didn't have any friends yet but were getting to know some people. One woman, about my age, asked me if I wanted to walk through the park with her early one morning. It sounded fun, so I said yes. We walked and talked and laughed and it was very enjoyable. At the end of the walk, she said, "Well, you definitely have potential to be a friend." Say what?!
I never dreamed that I was asked to take a walk so that I could be vetted by this woman! It was like an audition to be her friend! If she had handed me a "friend application" it would have been less weird.
Needless to say, I didn't want to be her friend. I didn't want to have to "measure up" or be afraid that I might say the wrong thing and she would fire me or put me on probation.
I smile now when I think of it, but at the time it was hurtful. Would you be hurt or put off by that statement??
I don't think I would be hurt by it, but instead feel like she saw something about me worth putting in time and energy to build a friendship.
ReplyDeleteI have had a hard time making friends in adulthood, and once even asked someone to be my friend, she turned out to be the worst friend I have ever had, but you live and learn.
I think you would make a great friend!
Why thank you!
DeleteI think I would have said "well I am soooo glad I measure up!"
ReplyDeleteOr maybe just nothing. But yeah, it would have rubbed me the wrong way.
That's a good way to put it - - it really rubbed me the wrong way!
DeleteI don't think so, I think I might have been flattered. We probably wouldn't have been close friends, but I think I might have laughed at her frankness. But .. that's from reading your post.. not actually experiencing it. So I never know..
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just too sensitive!!
DeleteYour park sounds like one from a movie,lovely I want one like that near me. I think if both you and the other woman had hit it off you would both have laughed at her strange remark and been friends for life ,it wasn't to be.
ReplyDeleteIt WAS a nice walk through a beautiful park, though!
DeleteI tried to make a comment on your blog but for some reason wasn't able to - - hope you have a lovely lovely holiday!
Deletei would just have thought another one, another weird 'American' woman !! :)
ReplyDeletehaha! Is that what you think of us? Weird American women?! I admit, I am weird, but my children say "weird in a good way" :)
Deletejust kidding Judy, just kidding !!i about the American women, not about you of course !!
DeleteYou're funny, Anni!
DeleteMy reaction would depend on whether or not I felt SHE measured up as a friend. I mean, we may not be as upfront about the process as that gal was, but we all pass judgment on the people we meet, and decide how that person would best fit into our lives ... acquaintance, someone we just say hi to and chat generically... a fun person, someone we'd enjoy walking around a park with in the early morning ... or close friend, someone we really want to get to know better. Since I pretty much tend to like just about everybody, (yeah, me and Will Rogers) I probably would have laughed at her and said something like, "I'm glad to hear that, because I think you have potential, too!"
ReplyDeleteI need to take a lesson from you . . . from all of you . . . and lighten up, I guess!
Deletehaha that is a unique way of weeding out potential "not" friend material---first of all i have to say i am impressed that you would walk with someone you didn't really know--i am way too socially stingy to do that :)
ReplyDeleteWell, Lynn, we were new and I had nothing better to do with my time :) These days, I am very very stingy with my time. A bad quality that I need to change :)
DeleteI would be very put off by that--and probably angry.
ReplyDeleteThank you Dana! I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me for thinking it was . . . well, rude. :)
DeleteI'm guessing it was more than just what she said, and more how she said it. It sounds so snobby to me and probably 'felt' that way too. I bet you would have felt a whole lot different if her tone had been different.
ReplyDeleteBullseye, Tammy! She is (was) a bit snobby. And, yes, I think tone makes such a huge difference. I think we've all said to our children "it's not WHAT you say but HOW you say it"!
DeleteI agree. I say stupid stuff all the time, but it's usually with a grin, a wink, and an implied "oops...did I just say that aloud?"
DeleteOdd comment, making you feel like you have to prove yourself. Maybe this gal had been hurt and was leery about friendships herself. Sounds like it was HER problem. I haven't officially "met" you, and I consider you my friend already, albeit on Blogwarts. :-)
ReplyDeleteWanna take a virtual walk in the park this afternoon?! No application needed :)
DeleteI think you might be reading too much into that comment. Give her the benefit of the doubt- she might be one of those people who speak their mind w/out thinking things through, or just wanted to express she liked the idea of being friends with you. And you say yourself that you had a good time together, so don't let a few words ruin that!
ReplyDeleteYou are probably right, but it has been 11 years now and she has gone in a different direction in her life than I have. But I do like your thoughts - - we don't all express things in the same way and maybe I need to be more open minded or something :)
DeleteLOL! That's kind of funny when you think about it! You were on an interview and didn't even know it. I have a friend who kind of did the opposite to me. She asked me out for lunch one day when we were still just work colleagues, and then declared that we were going to be friends and that I had no say in the matter. And now we are :D
ReplyDeleteI would have totally laughed at that . . . and probably gone on to be great friends!
DeleteThat is kinda weird....I think it'd put me off too.
ReplyDelete:)
Deletei am sure i would have been temporarily silenced but i also know i would have replied 'thanks, but i'm sorry i dont think you quite measure up'
ReplyDeleteI'm not quick enough to think of something good like that to say :)
DeleteMost definitely put off, and would have probably never talked to that person again after that. That was pretty weird, to think someone would say, yeah I'll get back to you after I run this across the board of... Friends and for some reason I just thought about that stupid overplayed song, Call Me Maybe :)
ReplyDeleteI think I would need to hear her tone of voice and whether she was being genuine or not. If she was, I wouldn't be too offended. But I'm guessing the way she said it kind of made it sound like she was vetting you.
ReplyDeleteI think it was just a surprise to hear her say that . . .
DeleteI would have absolutely been offended. It's good you can laugh at it now. I might still be holding a grudge. =0)
ReplyDeleteI can smile now, Jewels -- I'm not quite laughing :)
DeleteYeah, I don't think it was that big a deal - might depend on the intonation - i could imagine being excited to have found someone with whom I connect and saying excitedly, "We have friend potential!" or something like that --
ReplyDeleteI know my best friend now was someone I met through work and I remember thinking and likely commenting to her that I thought we could be great friends - and we are!