So, fast forward . . .
At a work Christmas luncheon about 2 ½ years ago, a co-worker was taking pictures. (I really, really hate cameras.) A week or so later I saw one of those pictures . . . me sitting at the table with everyone else, and it was as if a lightning bolt went through my body and lodged in my brain - - I was so filled with disgust at how I looked. I never ever thought I looked that bad. Maybe that’s because I would do anything to avoid mirrors or ANYTHING that reflected - - sound familiar? I cut my own hair for years because I hated sitting in a salon in front of that Big. Huge. Mirror. Waterboarding? A piece of cake (no pun intended). An overweight person having to sit in front of a mirror - - now THAT is torture. Not to mention way bad for the self-esteem J Anyway, after seeing that picture I decided right then and there that I didn’t want to look like that anymore. So, with that lightning bolt still embedded in my brain, I went into action . . . and I lost about 80 pounds and felt GREAT! I was on a major “down.” Major. It was awesome. Instead of dreading getting up in the morning and going to work, I was excited to get up and pick out what clothes I wanted to wear - - because for the first time in a very, very long time, I actually had a choice. . . AND . . . I looked good in clothes!! Instead of making excuses not to go on family outings, I looked forward to them! I was more social, more self-confident, more happy . . . life was good! I even started running with my daughter, which was great!
Drum roll . . . .
THEN . . . last November I got sick and couldn’t exercise for a few weeks. Sigh. That was the beginning of the “up.” To make a long, sad story short . . . I have gained back the weight and once more feel so sad and like such a loser. I don’t like myself. All I do is sit on the couch, watch TV and eat. I am lethargic, I hate to be around people, I have no clothes to wear, I have no energy, I look terrible, and feel like a nothing. I HATE those things! They are BAD! Bad things!! Comparing how I felt the last couple of years, and how I’ve felt the last 6-7 months, well . . . it SUCKS!!!!! So . . .
Another drum roll . . . .